Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective political parties.

Having money gives me the freedom to worry about the things that really matter.

It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.

I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.

Who cares what entertainers on the air think about international affairs? Who would want to hear me about Vietnam? They can hear all they want from people with reason to be respected as knowledgeable.

Did you know Richard Nixon is the only president whose formal portrait was painted by a police sketch artist?

Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, 'Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.'