Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective political parties.

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective political parties.

I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.

We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

Happiness is.....finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry.

What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?