Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective political parties.

People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'

Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.

That would have been a great ticket, Reagan and Ford - an actor and a stuntman.

I see a lot of new faces. Especially on the old faces.

It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.

I am taking the applause sign home, putting it in the bedroom.