I'm not one of those who spring up yelling, "Yippee! Another day!" I'll grumble and sulk around a couple of hours, reading newspapers and trying to pick out an idea I might do something with on the show. But I don't really start functioning until noon or later; then about two I go to the studio and the pace begins to quicken.

What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?

Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.

Democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head - this signifies that when the white man came to this country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.

I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.