Audiences have proved time and again that they don't want a steady diet of any entertainer airing his social views - especially if he's a comedian.

Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.

I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.

Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.

How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?

I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.

The price of Christmas toys is outrageous - a hundred dollars, two hundred dollars for video games for the youngsters. I remember a Christmas years ago when my son was a kid. I bought him a tank. It was about a hundred dollars, a lot of money in those days. It was the kind of tank you could actually get inside and ride in. He played in the box it came in. It taught me a very valuable lesson. Next year he got a box. And I got a hundred dollars' worth of scotch.