Audiences have proved time and again that they don't want a steady diet of any entertainer airing his social views - especially if he's a comedian.

Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.

I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, "I guess you're so big we bore you now."

The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older.

Like their parents, kids flock to see James Bond and Derek Flint movies - outrageously antiheroic heroes who break all the taboos, making attractive the very things the kids are told they shouldn't do themselves.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.