Audiences have proved time and again that they don't want a steady diet of any entertainer airing his social views - especially if he's a comedian.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.

Having money gives me the freedom to worry about the things that really matter.

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head - this signifies that when the white man came to this country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.