Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
Johnny CarsonI know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Johnny CarsonI'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
Johnny CarsonHappiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
Johnny Carson