Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience; so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.

I can't go anywhere without being bugged by somebody. I'd love to just hike out down the street, or drop in a restaurant, or wander in the park, or take my kids somewhere without collecting a trail of people. But I can't.

Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.

I heard from my cat's lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.

Who cares what entertainers on the air think about international affairs? Who would want to hear me about Vietnam? They can hear all they want from people with reason to be respected as knowledgeable.