I can't say I ever wanted to become an entertainer. I already was one, sort of-around the house, at school, doing my magic tricks, throwing my voice and doing Popeye impersonations. People thought I was funny; so I kind of took entertaining for granted It was inevitable that I'd start giving little performances.

Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.

Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.

Did you know Richard Nixon is the only president whose formal portrait was painted by a police sketch artist?

Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.