I am taking the applause sign home, putting it in the bedroom.

I get sick of that old rationalization, "We're staying together because of the children." Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.

Everybody I meet in public seems to want to audition for me. If I ask a guy what time it is, he'll sing it to me.

That would have been a great ticket, Reagan and Ford - an actor and a stuntman.

Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.

I have no use for eight houses, 88 cars and 500 suits. I can't eat but one steak at a time. I don't want but one woman. It's silly to have as one's sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth.

May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!