Everybody I meet in public seems to want to audition for me. If I ask a guy what time it is, he'll sing it to me.

It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself".

I don't run with anybody's herd. I don't like crowds. I don't like going to fancy places. I don't like the whole nightclub scene. Cocktail parties drive me mad. So I do my job and I stay away from the rest of it.

In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.

Happiness is.....finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry.

According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.

What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?