There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.

I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.

The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.

The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.

What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?

I'm not one of those who spring up yelling, "Yippee! Another day!" I'll grumble and sulk around a couple of hours, reading newspapers and trying to pick out an idea I might do something with on the show. But I don't really start functioning until noon or later; then about two I go to the studio and the pace begins to quicken.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.