If God didn't want man to hunt, He wouldn't have given us plaid shirts.

Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.

We have two kinds of air: regular and chunky style.

The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it's ear.

Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.

Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.

As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.