If God didn't want man to hunt, He wouldn't have given us plaid shirts.

He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.

I couldn't care less what anybody says about me. I live my life, especially my personal life, strictly for myself... Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized. I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you.

In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

If God didn't want man to hunt, He wouldn't have given us plaid shirts.