I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

Did you know Richard Nixon is the only president whose formal portrait was painted by a police sketch artist?

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.

I have no use for eight houses, 88 cars and 500 suits. I can't eat but one steak at a time. I don't want but one woman. It's silly to have as one's sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth.

Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.

I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.