I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

Everybody I meet in public seems to want to audition for me. If I ask a guy what time it is, he'll sing it to me.

I never analyze it. Analyzing it would just be a waste of time. I just go out and do it.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.

Happiness is.....finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry.

I heard from my cat's lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.