Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.

The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.

I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.

Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, 'Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.'

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.