The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.

According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I'm not one of those who spring up yelling, "Yippee! Another day!" I'll grumble and sulk around a couple of hours, reading newspapers and trying to pick out an idea I might do something with on the show. But I don't really start functioning until noon or later; then about two I go to the studio and the pace begins to quicken.

We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.