Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.

Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples.

I heard from my cat's lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.

It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.

I get sick of that old rationalization, "We're staying together because of the children." Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.