It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself".

We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.