An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?

How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?

Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.

I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.

I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.