An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.

Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples.

Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.

I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.