Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

I am one of the lucky people in the world; I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.

I can't say I ever wanted to become an entertainer. I already was one, sort of-around the house, at school, doing my magic tricks, throwing my voice and doing Popeye impersonations. People thought I was funny; so I kind of took entertaining for granted It was inevitable that I'd start giving little performances.

I'm not one of those who spring up yelling, "Yippee! Another day!" I'll grumble and sulk around a couple of hours, reading newspapers and trying to pick out an idea I might do something with on the show. But I don't really start functioning until noon or later; then about two I go to the studio and the pace begins to quicken.

The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it's ear.

That would have been a great ticket, Reagan and Ford - an actor and a stuntman.