I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, "I guess you're so big we bore you now."

Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.

The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

I never analyze it. Analyzing it would just be a waste of time. I just go out and do it.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.