I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.

Americans, too many of them, take themselves too seriously. You're going to get rapped - by the viewers, by the sponsors and by the network brass - if you joke about doctors, lawyers, dentists, scientists, bus drivers, I don't care who. You can't make a joke about Catholics, Negroes, Jews, Italians, politicians, dogs or cats. In fact, politicians, dogs and cats are the most sacred institutions in America.

I heard from my cat's lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

I am one of the lucky people in the world; I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.