In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it's ear.

Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.

There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.