The price of Christmas toys is outrageous - a hundred dollars, two hundred dollars for video games for the youngsters. I remember a Christmas years ago when my son was a kid. I bought him a tank. It was about a hundred dollars, a lot of money in those days. It was the kind of tank you could actually get inside and ride in. He played in the box it came in. It taught me a very valuable lesson. Next year he got a box. And I got a hundred dollars' worth of scotch.

There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.

Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.