I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

I couldn't care less what anybody says about me. I live my life, especially my personal life, strictly for myself... Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized. I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you.

We're more effective than birth control pills.

It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.

We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

There was this billy goat at a movie studio who found and ate a can of film. When a nanny asked him how he liked it, he said, "It was all right but I liked the book better."

People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'