I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.

Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.

I don't run with anybody's herd. I don't like crowds. I don't like going to fancy places. I don't like the whole nightclub scene. Cocktail parties drive me mad. So I do my job and I stay away from the rest of it.

The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.