I don't run with anybody's herd. I don't like crowds. I don't like going to fancy places. I don't like the whole nightclub scene. Cocktail parties drive me mad. So I do my job and I stay away from the rest of it.

Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.

I never analyze it. Analyzing it would just be a waste of time. I just go out and do it.

Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

I'm not one of those who spring up yelling, "Yippee! Another day!" I'll grumble and sulk around a couple of hours, reading newspapers and trying to pick out an idea I might do something with on the show. But I don't really start functioning until noon or later; then about two I go to the studio and the pace begins to quicken.

I heard from my cat's lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.