Having money gives me the freedom to worry about the things that really matter.

Democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head - this signifies that when the white man came to this country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.

I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.

When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.

I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.

Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.