You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience; so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.

Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.

Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.

I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

I don't run with anybody's herd. I don't like crowds. I don't like going to fancy places. I don't like the whole nightclub scene. Cocktail parties drive me mad. So I do my job and I stay away from the rest of it.