Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples.

There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

As for being sociable, I hate the phoniness in the showbiz world. I know this will be taken wrong, but I don't like clubs and organizations. I was never a joiner.

I am one of the lucky people in the world; I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.