I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.

Happiness is.....finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry.

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.

There was this billy goat at a movie studio who found and ate a can of film. When a nanny asked him how he liked it, he said, "It was all right but I liked the book better."

I've worked ever since I was a kid with a two-bit kit of magic tricks trying to improve my skills at entertaining whatever public I had - and to make myself ready, whenever the breaks came, to entertain a wider and more demanding public.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.