Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.

I never analyze it. Analyzing it would just be a waste of time. I just go out and do it.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

I've worked ever since I was a kid with a two-bit kit of magic tricks trying to improve my skills at entertaining whatever public I had - and to make myself ready, whenever the breaks came, to entertain a wider and more demanding public.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?

Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.