Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
Johnny CarsonWhen the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
Johnny CarsonHow much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
Johnny CarsonThe closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
Johnny Carson