George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?

Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.

There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.

Who cares what entertainers on the air think about international affairs? Who would want to hear me about Vietnam? They can hear all they want from people with reason to be respected as knowledgeable.