I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again.

I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them.

Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It's always lost on them and you'll find yourself being put back on the plane.

Writing a book about yourself is like therapy, and you go 'Oh My God, that's the reason that happened.' Writing about it, you're forced to really examine things.

You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.

There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out.

You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow 'cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led.