I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.

You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.

I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again.

Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.

I used to attract a lot of feeders. I'd be quite happy to be locked in someone's flat and fed liquidised burgers.

I think if you're at the point where you're popular enough to sell your wedding photos to OK! Magazine then you don't need the money.

I've got my finger in a lot of pies.