Congress, the legislative stone in America's urethra.

The building housing America's military brass is a five-sided pentagon, but somehow, the people in it still manage to make it the squarest place on earth. The latest evidence? A current military document that lists homosexuality as a mental disorder in the same league as mental retardation - noting, of course, the one difference: retarded people can still get into heaven.

Maybe we should always show pictures. Bin Laden, pictures of our wounded service people, pictures of maimed innocent civilians. We can only make decisions about war if we see what war actually is - and not as a video game where bodies quickly disappear leaving behind a shiny gold coin.

Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government

I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them.

The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.

Bush's popularity is at 40% in South America? He could be their president!