Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.

Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

Every generation has their challenge. And things change rapidly, and life gets better in an instant.

I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.

The blow back from the cold war is that a weakened Russia allowed Afghanistan to become a failed state, and then all this weaponry to flow into all these other conflicts. Our greatest triumph has almost fueled our most intractable battle now.

Poor people have sh*tty lobbyists.