For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't make things up. We just distill it to, hopefully, its most humorous nugget. And in that sense it seems faked and skewed just because we don't have to be subjective or pretend to be objective. We can just put it out there.

If you don't get it right with your first family, you can always do it again with another.

I just thought, there are very few stories involving me, Anna Nicole Smith, and Jesus.

If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.

The White House released documents it claims validates the president's (National Guard) service ... When deciphered the documents showed that in a one-year period, 1972 and 1973, Bush received credit for nine days of active National Guard service. The traditional term of service then and now for the National Guard is one weekend a month and two full weeks a year, meaning that Bush's nine-day stint qualifies him only for the National Guard's National Guard. That's the National Guard's National Guard, an Army of None.

The government that governs best, governs best!

What I like to do is come in, write the entire program and treat my staff to hot stone massages.