I masturbate. A lot. And yet, I don't floss because it's too much of a hassle. Ten seconds of joy over a lifetime of tooth decay, that's what I've chosen.

I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.

The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.

And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts could really help. He's basically for people who want to vote for Bush but don't think Bush is Jewish enough.

If you break someone's leg, shouldn't you have to be the crutch for a while?

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.

I think that's why they're so really - here's the disconnect. It's sort of this odd and I've always had this problem with the rationality of it. That the President [George W.Bush] says, "We are in the fight for a way of life. This is the greatest battle of our generation, and of the generations to come. "And, so what I'm going to do is you know, Iraq has to be won, or our way of life ends, and our children and our children's children all suffer. So, what I'm gonna do is send 10,000 more troops to Baghdad."