Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.

I thought we were out of money!? You can't simultaneously fire teachers AND tomahawk missiles.

I don't want to die before my parents die, especially my mother. Because I think that's tragic. Because I don't want her to get the chance to pick out what I'm going to wear for eternity.

Democrats - always standing up for what they later realize they should have believed in.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?

Sometimes it's hard to face your own...life.