Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a with in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.

Across the nation, thousands of people are lining up in hospital waiting rooms, out the doors, down the steps, around the corners, and behind the hedges, waiting for their inoculations. Here's another idea for avoiding the flu: DON'T stand outside in the cold for hours around lots of other people.

Doing stand-up comedy is in the middle of a traffic jam getting everybody moving again.

I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.

Ralph Nader choose the man with whom to share the responsibility of running a distant third, California activist Peter Camejo. You may remember that Camejo ran for president in 1976 on the Socialist Workers Party ticket. Actually, you might only remember that if you run a lesbian, vegetarian, bookstore.

I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance

I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.'