I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

No, I live in New Jersey because I like living in New Jersey.

Putting the 10 commandments up to prevent crime is like putting 'Employees must wash hands' up to keep the piss out of your burger.

Isn't that what you really want in a jean? The ability to kick people in the face in them? I don't wanna have to go home and change into shorts.

The wisdom of the masses is not always wise. You could put a lot of things to a vote-you could have put anti-miscegenation laws to a vote, and that would have passed pretty handily. Either all people are created equal-or they're not. You're either buying into the original premise of America-or you're not.

You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, "Hey, there's something wrong with this mirror."

To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.