You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.

Reform Jews are the children of Conservative Jews, or as they are sometimes known, Christians with curlier hair.

We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the beauty of fake journalism. We don't have to - we travel in fake ethics.

Doing stand-up comedy is in the middle of a traffic jam getting everybody moving again.

I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.

Across the nation, thousands of people are lining up in hospital waiting rooms, out the doors, down the steps, around the corners, and behind the hedges, waiting for their inoculations. Here's another idea for avoiding the flu: DON'T stand outside in the cold for hours around lots of other people.

The government that governs best, governs best!