In 1982 I was playing soccer at William and Mary, and a kid from Randolph-Macon called me a kike. I ran after him. 'I'm not a... well, yes I am.

I still do not understand how a corporation can have person-hood if it has no soul and never dies.

Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t.

I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.

If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?

Oh my god... Kerry is boring even when Bush is reading him.