I've always run by the hierarchy of "If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something."

The government should stop meddling in the business of the farmers, who would actually still be living ina desert if not for government meddling.

Sometimes it's hard to face your own...life.

I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.

Here in the U.S., we've made democracy into a science. A cold, impersonal science.

This morning, prompted by increasing concerns about terrorism, oil prices reached a record high as the cost of a barrel of crude is a whopping $44.34. Wow, it seems shocking that a product of finite supply gets more expensive the more we use it. Now the terror alert means higher oil prices, which oddly enough means higher profits for oil companies giving them more money to give to politicians whose policies may favor the oil companies such as raising the terror alert level. As Simba once told us: "It's the circle of life."

Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government