Bush's popularity is at 40% in South America? He could be their president!

Really, an historic night last night. You may have heard, Barack Obama will be the first black president of the United States of America. ... Obama is also the first Democrat to receive more than 50 percent of the vote since Jimmy Carter, the first senator to be elected since Jack Kennedy, the first Muslim to be ... I said too much.

I watch a lot of astronaut movies....Mostly Star Wars. And even Han and Chewie use a checklist.

Apparently the only time the press gets it right is when the White House illegally leaks it to them.

We grew up in the good old days before kids had these damn computers and actually played outside.

We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the beauty of fake journalism. We don't have to - we travel in fake ethics.

The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something.