Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t.

I only find out where countries are when we start bombing them.

Technology. It's like science, only useless.

By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.

I'll tell you this: Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality. And the protections that we have, for religion -we protect religion- and talk about a lifestyle choice! That is absolutely a choice. Gay people don't choose to be gay. At what age did you choose not to be gay?

Nobody cares that Mitt Romney is rich. It’s Romney’s inability to understand the institutional advantage that he gains from the government’s tax code largesse that’s a little offensive to people. Especially considering Romney’s view on anyone else who looks to the government for things like, I don’t know, food and medicine.

Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.