The Book of Mormon is so good it makes me f**king angry.

This is what happens when you don't let gays marry; they start designing clothes out of spite.

As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy.

President Bush delivered his first State of the Union address, riding high on an 82-percent approval rating, and with Attorney General John Ashcroft dispatching agents to interview the other 18 percent.

When you're accustomed to doing stand-up, so often you're the only person onstage and it's all your thing. It's very gladiatorial. Obviously, when you're in a scene with somebody, you're supposed to listen and react - and that's a bit of a transition.

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.

I have the liberal dictionary right here...let's see how they define water-boarding: 'Something done by the evil troops, who we don't support, to innocent terrorists violating their rights to bomb our cities and make us get gay marriage.'