Evil is relatively rare. Ignorance is epidemic.

Don't you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves.

No matter what your race, creed or sexual preference, there is a word that people use to describe you that is very nasty. It's what we all have in common. That, and masturbation.

Here's the thing about global warming that I didn't realize: it would all happen at once.

Why do I have to follow CNN on Twitter? If I want to follow CNN, I can follow them on CNN.

Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote.

Thus, I've created humour.