Bad jokes, and gay marriage are destroying this country - but torture can save it.

We have standards. Anybody with the kind of journalism experience and professionalism that you have displayed over these years can not work for my program.

Wait a minute, words in the prompter, script on my desk, vending machine upstairs out of Funyuns... the writers are back!

Parenthood is an amazing opportunity to be able to ruin someone from scratch.

They have to put Trump on every program, spewing his crazy ideas, because his poll numbers are so high. And his poll numbers are so high because they put him on every program, spewing his crazy ideas.

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.

You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty!