When Henry Hill [in Goodfellas] got arrested for the first time and Robert DeNiro met him at the courthouse and Henry Hill was really upset, 'cause he thought Robert DeNiro would be really mad at him. And DeNiro comes up to him and he gives him a $100 and he goes, "You got pinched. We all get pinched, but you did it right, you didn't say nothing."

I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.

I like not to be good at anything, so I keep hopping around.

Congress, the legislative stone in America's urethra.

Do you know how many movies I wrote when I was high?

If you don't get it right with your first family, you can always do it again with another.

In what is perhaps the strangest turn in the President's efforts to rally support, he agreed that Iraq is just like Vietnam, but in a good way.