Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.

Child: Why on this night do we eat Hot Fudge Sundaes? Adult: To remind us that being Jewish is like having your birthday every day!! Plus they're delicious!

The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.

By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.

Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t.

Don't you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves.

9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.