We are going to be raising a generation of mentally impaired people.

Here's the thing about global warming that I didn't realize: it would all happen at once.

You've confused a war on your religion with not always getting everything you want.

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

What's with the poverty Tourette's? Why do these two think we need a hobo for president?

Reform Jews are the children of Conservative Jews, or as they are sometimes known, Christians with curlier hair.

When Henry Hill [in Goodfellas] got arrested for the first time and Robert DeNiro met him at the courthouse and Henry Hill was really upset, 'cause he thought Robert DeNiro would be really mad at him. And DeNiro comes up to him and he gives him a $100 and he goes, "You got pinched. We all get pinched, but you did it right, you didn't say nothing."