In Iraq, the U.S. military's whack-a-mole approach to killing Saddam Hussein may have finally paid off. The bombs destroyed the area and left behind a 60-foot crater, or as coalition forces prefer to call it: a freedom hole.

New York City isn't Chuck E. Cheese. We don't have ball pits for the kids to play in. We have titty bars and crack.

It's nice to know that [God] can destroy us in a myriad of ways.

I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.

[CNN, USA Today] they've got 24 hours to fill. You know, how many times can Anna Nicole Smith's baby get a new father?

Clearly, I'm way older than everyone.

It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won't have guard dogs.